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I think
some critics have been too nice on this flick. Leonard
Maltin proclaimed this movie as "innocuous and predictable,
but you get what you pay for." Well, even at matinee
price of $5.50, I was getting brutally ripped off. I would
put this movie in the same category as "Glitter."
THAT'S how bad it is. If I was in a life-or-death situation
where I had to choose between watching "Crossroads" and
"Glitter" I'd choose "Crossroads." And
that's the best compliment I can possibly give.
Is
Britney a horrible actress? Yes, and I say that without
hesitation. And I'm not one of those whiny hypocrites who
takes delight on bashing the poor girl. I think she does
have talent as a singer--and I like some of her music--but she
obviously is not fit for the silver screen. There's one
scene in which she's crying to her father (Dan Aykroyd), yet she
doesn't shed a single tear!
Most of
the cast is second-rate, but there's wasted talent here and there.
I don't know what got into Dan Aykroyd. He went from being
an SNL superstar to taking on thankless roles like this. He
hasn't had a memorable role since "Coneheads"!
Dan, I would fire your agent if I were you. Zoe Saldana
is also a good actress (I'm pretty sure she's the same girl from
"Center Stage," a movie I really enjoyed), but her
character is dull and two-dimensional--like all the characters in
the film. Kim Catrall (of "Sex and the City" fame)
only appears for two minutes as Britney's long lost mother.
Good move, Kim. Any more screen time and you can say goodbye
to your reputation.
OK, so
here's the plot--for anyone who cares. The film kicks off
with Lucy (Britney) and her two friends, at 12 years old, burying a
box full of memorable items that they can cherish in years to
come. They made a vow to dig it up after high school
graduation. Well, fast-forward five or six years--the girls
have went their separate ways. Lucy is an introverted
bookworm who rarely gets out the house. Her other friend is
a tomboyish pregnant girl. And the other friend is a
stuck-up, popular girl. Gosh, we've never seen these
characters before!! But they all somehow decide "what
the heck" and meet at midnight to dig up that box of
memories. Why? Because the script tells them to.
After indulging all that beautiful nostalgia, they agree
to take a road trip. The pregnant girl wants to audition for
a music company. And Lucy wants to see her mother
in Arizona. They get an alleged psycho/guitarist to chauffeur
them and hit the road Jack! And nothing but tragedy occurs.
Awww!
All the
character arcs and plot turns are predictable and contrived.
There are many melancholy moments, but the plot points are so
contrived and stilted that I couldn't feel a single
emotion--unless you count boredom as an emotion. Usually, I
get teary-eyed when stories involve sons and daughters trying
to reunite with their long lost parents. Not this time. Yes...it's
that bad.
"Crossroads" is a dreary mess of a movie. It
doesn't have any energy or charm to move it along. To focus
on the bright side, it's only February and I already have two
films to put on my list of Worst Movies of 2002: this one
and "Slackers".
-- Matt (
1 out of 4 pops )
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